Revelations
i feel it!
tomorrow will be saturated in rain...
the storm's sleek, cold translucent fruits
will come
slashing down upon the streets,
washing all the crevices clean.
my love flows with such waters
into every crack of my life.
of all the things i love
what or whom do i love best?
i think you want to know,
maybe you think there should be a
clear answer,
decisive,
hard-hitting,
final.
i could say i love god best
because god is everywhere and nowhere,
asks nothing and everything of me,
tells me what is useful
and wise,
makes me do
what i don't want to know
i must do.
but that isn't strictly true.
i could say i love my mother best
because she held me in her womb
fed me with her own blood,
struggled to give me birth,
paid her life's wages to raise me
and protect me from sin...
or my father
for mostly the same reasons
but that isn't true either.
i could say i love my husband best
because he stands by me
even when i don't stand by myself,
because he makes me laugh
when i'm hot and blubbery with thought-proof anger,
and especially because
he won't put up with any of my bullshit,
but that's not quite right.
i could say i love my lover best
because he writes me sensitive soaring sentences
that make my mind race
with the wandering wind
and my conscience open
to the possibility
of universal,
uncomplicated
compassion,
and yet, that isn't true either.
of course, i might say i love my children best...
both so individual --
complex unique fingrprints
somehow transferred from god
into my womb,
then out,
pressing into the complicated compliance
of the world
and my heart.
but no, not them either.
and you,
i might say it is you i love best,
you who light the holy fire
at the roots of my spine,
you, whose eyes draw the iridescent fire
straight up into my mind,
that burns then
with effervescing light
softly illuminating
the palaces of the hearts
of everyone i see
for millenia
all around,
but that would be a lie...
there is the sky,
the trees,
my friends,
the tides,
all the things
that play a symphony of mystery,
mastery,
and delight,
upon the open organ
of my life.
i confess
it is actually
everything
that i love best.
Copyright © TDHawkes 2000