By: k casewell
County:S. Yorkshire
Country: UK
SUN KISSED DAYS
Blue green seas wash pebbled shores
Sun beds lie, like lizards sit atop sunbaked rocks
Awaiting their fillings of pink tinted flesh.
The heady scent of flowers, blend
With the smell of beach side foods;
And the clink of long cold drinks
Sound like a thousand and one, distant wind chimes,
Yet amidst the turmoil of activity
The sounds of enjoyment, encapsulated
Within the dry arid heat of the sun,
A strange silence appears;
A time warp of pleasure washed in with the tide,
As golden clad loins leave nothing to chance
To show off their promise;
Idols of worship to side stepping eyes.
Copyright © k casewell 2000
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Comments: Line four: "blend" should be "blends", since its subject is "scent", not "flowers". Line seven, "Sound" should be "sounds"
because its subject is "clink" not "drinks". Otherwise, this is very nicely done.
You have to be careful to avoid obvious cliches (heady scent of flowers has been used a LOT, and there are many alternatives to "heady"),
but you seem to have done fairly well over all. Nice job.
Name: RhymeMaster
EMail: rhymer01@thewritersnook.com
Comments: I`ve glanced sideways many times myself. Love your tropical scenario k.
Name: phattkat
EMail: phattkat@excite.com
Comments: Ah...alas...we worship that which only brings us trouble.
Still a sideways glance now and then...what could it hurt? Well done, I enjoyed your poem very much.
Name: Ed Allen
EMail: eallen553@aol.com
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